Sometimes I hear from faithful wives who are worried about their husband’s feelings after he has finished their affair. Many worry that although her husband appears to be committed to the marriage, he will miss out on the drama and excitement that the affair generated. They worry that her marriage will look boring by comparison.

A wife might say, “My husband and I have done quite well after his affair. I am pleasantly surprised that he has been very cooperative with everything I have asked of him. He comes home after work. He doesn’t leave.” never go out again. And he has not complained about this. But I am worried that he will see that staying home is boring. I know my husband spent a lot of money on the other woman. They went out and did things all the time. My husband and I eat dinner together and take care of our children. So I’m worried that he’ll miss out on the thrill of the adventure. I’ve always thought we had a pretty good sex life. But the sex after you. I’ve been married for years I probably can’t compete with forbidden sex. Am I right in thinking that men tend to lose the thrill when the affair is over?

I suppose some men could do it. But others are actually relieved to let it go because it was stressful living with those kinds of secrets and lies. I am not a man who has had an affair, but I have spoken (and heard) with many of them. Okay, because of my articles, you are likely to hear more from those who want to save their marriages. But frankly, many of them live in a kind of fantasy world during the adventure. They keep the matter and their marriage separate in their minds as much as possible. However, once the affair is discovered, this deception and cover-up cannot continue. And that is when the husband must really see the reality of what he is doing. Usually only then can the seriousness of his actions no longer be denied.

putting this in perspective: Many men in this situation are very afraid of losing their wife and family. Suddenly they see the matter for what it was, nothing more than pretense. And what is worse, now they have put their family at risk. Once a husband has dealt with the loss of his wife and his warm and comfortable family, he may actually begin to put both of them on a pedestal, which may be why he sees it so cooperative to stay home.

That’s not to say that there aren’t some men out there who really want to save their marriage, but they’re also almost addicted to fling and the other woman. So even though they tell their wife that the affair is over and believe her words to be true, this doesn’t stop them from continuing to communicate with the other person because they can’t seem to let the whole thing go.

But that is not true for all men. Given that statistics show us that most couples stay together after an affair, my observation is that most men love their wives and their marriages. Many are happy to participate in their family rituals again because they were afraid they would no longer be welcome to do so. Because of this, many are really happy (and comforted) with their evenings eating together and spending time with their children.

easing your mind: Of course, any marriage can benefit from spice things up if you think it might help. After my husband’s adventure, my husband and I decided to step out of our comfort zones. We traveled more. We spiced up our date nights by agreeing that we would try something new every week. We found common hobbies that we could pursue together. These things were very beneficial because it seemed like we were discovering something new during our recovery and it was fun for both of us.

However, there was no getting around the fact that we were parents with children. Our family came first. We couldn’t pretend we were newlyweds with no responsibilities, although we did make an effort to keep things fresh. Ultimately, none of us were bored or felt our lives lacked excitement. After all we’d been through, spending quiet nights with our family in our home felt like a privilege because there were times when neither of us was sure our marriage (or our family) was going to stay intact.

So to answer the original question, sure, there are some men who miss the thrill of it. But in my observation, most men are relieved to be back in their family’s lives. They realize their mistake and realize that there is a sweetness and comfort in their family and marital history, in which they take comfort. When something you value is put at risk because of your mistake, you’re often so happy to have it that you don’t see it as boring. You’re glad it’s yours. However, if excitement is something you’re concerned about, there’s nothing wrong with trying to spice things up so that neither of you gets bored or lacks excitement.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *