Many people wonder about the question: “Are lovers more important than friends?” This is an important question that is difficult to answer, because lovers play a very different role in our lives than friends. We have different emotions and expectations about our lovers than we do about our friends. The truth is that we need both types of relationships to be happy and fulfilled, and we should never think that we have to choose between just having a lover or partner, or having friends.
When we have a lover, particularly in the heady early stages of being head over heels in love, the intensity of our feelings for our lover is far more overwhelming than the feelings we have for our friends. At that point, most of us would find it easy to say that a lover is far more important than any friendship we may have.
However, the reality is that sooner or later many of the very intense feelings we have of being head over heels in love will start to fade. When that happens, we’ll either develop a different kind of less intense but lasting emotional relationship with the person we’ve been in love with, or we’ll move on to find a different lover who inspires us with crazy passion again.
If we haven’t kept up our friendships throughout our crazy romance, who do we have to turn to if the relationship falls apart and our hearts break? Who’s going to be there to tell you, “That guy was never good enough for you.” Will the friends you’ve neglected for months want to hear from you now that you’re alone again? Chances are if you dumped all your friends because you were in love, they dumped you too because you weren’t a trustworthy friend.
It’s much better to keep your friendships going even while you’re falling in love with someone. Your friends can keep you grounded and steady; they can offer you good advice.
Another reason to keep our friendships is that no one person can satisfy all of our needs or satisfy all of our interests. No matter how much you love your romantic partner, you need to have fresh perspectives and fresh perspectives. You need to be refreshed by outside influences.
Lovers and friends serve different purposes in our lives. A love relationship is usually deeper and more intense. It activates our most primal emotions and gives us greater ups and downs and deeper than our friendships. Our friendships are much more stable and consistent. They provide us with a different kind of security and validation and often outlast our romantic partners.
Another good reason to keep our friendships is that there are many social and relationship skills that we learn in our friendships that can be very helpful in our romantic relationships. For many of us, friendships are the place where we learn to compromise and share. We learn about loyalty and discretion.
At some point, if your romantic relationship lasts, your lover will also become your friend. When that happens, if you haven’t learned to be a good friend, your romantic relationship can die, either quickly or slowly. By keeping all of your friendships close, you’ll continue to develop the emotional skills that make a healthier long-term romantic relationship.
You don’t need to make a decision when you ask yourself, “Are lovers more important than friends?” You will be much happier if you maintain your friendships no matter what is currently going on in your romantic life.