If you’ve read about body language, you’ve likely heard that 90% of communication is non-verbal. The actual origin of this slightly distorted statistic is the research of Dr. Albert Mehrabian, who concluded in his 1971 study Silent messages that the communication in each conversation is 7% of words, 38% of voice sound and 55% of facial expression. Consequently, 90% (or rather 93%) of all communication comes from body language. However, it would be wrong to assume that most communication is done through body language. In everyday life, we don’t usually deny what people say, so what becomes interesting about body language and how body language becomes useful is in relation to what is being said.
For patients with advanced dementia, physical appearance is an important factor in assessing pain due to reduced ability for verbal communication, but in almost other cases a nurse would not rely on how a patient is acting to suggest how much pain they feel. . inside, they asked the patient. Similarly, if someone is sitting with their arms and legs crossed and has an angry expression on their face, they will probably not speak to you. In this case, body language is 100% of communication, but the only way to be sure is to talk to them. Body language betrays you by exposing your feelings and attitude, yet it is your words and their relationship to your body language that are truly critical to your communication.
Despite the importance of body language in communication, without the verbal part of communication, non-verbal communication is quite limited. It’s the combination of words and body language that betrays you, especially when what you say and how you act don’t match. Mehrabian rated the congruence or consistency between body language and words as a crucial element in the study of non-verbal communication; looking for when a person’s words and actions match or not.
But surely if a person has not studied body language, you have nothing to worry about? Before there were books on body language, people detected signals without being fully aware of what they were picking up on. When someone says they’re happy but they’re not acting happy, they don’t need a body language book to help them read the signs. Even if the person you’ve been talking to hasn’t read the books, their body language is likely to betray you.
As you venture into your daily dealings with other people, what you need to be concerned with is not how you act, but how you act in relation to what you say. Your body language can be erratic and aroused if you are saying excited things, but if you act erratically when you are lying, the situation is different.
But, if you’re telling the truth, why would you want to fake body language? The answer is simply that we are only human. When we say nice things to our partners or talk to our bosses, sometimes we are too tired or just not interested. We may be talking about the one thing we think is the most interesting or exciting thing in the world, but if we’re hungry, tired, or sick, or just having a bad day, the words we use may be enthusiastic, but our el body language will betray us.
How do you fake it? Most experts say that you can’t fake body language. This is good news if you’ve read ‘top ten signs he likes you’ or ‘how to tell if he’s lying’. But if you are trying to look good, this could be a problem.
So what do we do? The simple answer is that we increase the incongruity between what we say and our body language. We increase incongruity in two ways:
The first thing we can do is be honest. Don’t try to sound overzealous if you’re not. If you feel tired, don’t try to make up for it with excessive excitement. You may be excited, but don’t overdo it. If you disagree with someone, don’t lie to them. As much as possible, just avoid answering them directly. So when your girlfriend or friend asks “Do I look fat in this?” respond with “You look great” or “You look good in that dress” and then try to change the subject. Whether you say yes or no, you are probably lying. So don’t answer the question. Don’t avoid the topic, but don’t answer the question directly.
The second thing we can do is be aware of how you are acting and do something different. Congruence has to do with continuity, if you question the continuity of the signs, you should be able to make them difficult to read and thus interrupt the congruence.
Although telling the truth can be a delicate matter, disrupting the consistency of your body language will require you to think about how you feel and to know something about body language. It doesn’t require a lot of information, but you should be aware that body language is generally considered to work in groups, so what you are doing with your arms is only relevant if it relates to your facial expression and how you are standing. . When you need to make sure that someone isn’t reading everything about you based on your body language, you’ll want to break down the groups of your actions and disrupt the consistency accordingly.
Body language areas to focus on:
Facial expressions: if you feel bored, show interest, if you are happy, show a little sadness, if you have nothing to say, pretend you want to say something. When whoever you talk to gives you a chance to talk and you don’t, they will begin to question their own understanding of you.
Eye contact: failure to maintain eye contact shows lack of interest or deception. Aggressively maintained eye contact shows a desire to dominate another person. Judge your own feelings and intentions and adjust eye contact accordingly.
Play: attraction is shown by physical touch. In a dating situation, if a woman starts touching, even innocently, another person, she is showing interest in her. Avoid inappropriate contact. In the workplace, inappropriate contact is more than just a handshake. Tap into interpersonal relationships. You may feel tested, but your partner will really appreciate that hug.
Arms and legs: your posture gives away all kinds of things about you. Two elements to consider are the pointed arms and legs and the open or closed body posture. We often show interest in someone by pointing our arms and legs towards them. If we are not interested and are not ready to go, we can point our limbs towards the door in an effort to be ready when it really is time to go. At a very basic level, open or closed body posture is the difference between crossed arms and legs and uncrossed arms and legs. The closed body says “I am not interested or listening.” An open body says otherwise.
Voice tone: How do you speak normally? Are you a loud and fast speaker, a slow and quiet speaker? Think about how you sound when you are angry. Don’t get too carried away. You don’t want the boss to think you’re aggressive when you’re just tired, but think about the volume, the speed, the tone, and putting a bit of emotion into your voice.
Your body language is going to betray you. An uncontrollable incongruity between how you are acting and what you are saying is going to say something you don’t want it to say. Think about what you want to say and how you feel, and then do something completely different. A little interruption goes a long way.
Disrupting body language can be hard work and is not something you want to do all the time. If you use it regularly with an unusually perceptive friend, they will pick up on your signals and see through your strategy. If you interrupt congruence when you feel insecure, you can fight the betrayal of body language.