This Christian relationship will help you understand why relationships with narcissists are difficult. Good relationships have balance. There is a give and take that tries to meet the needs of both people (Philippians 2:4). By contrast, relationships with narcissists are focused on meeting the needs of the narcissist. These are the reasons why the relationship is not easy:

They are unable to look at themselves to see weaknesses. Healthy relationships involve two healthy people. One of the criteria of a healthy person is the ability for self-analysis and self-assessment. The narcissist is unable to look at personal defects because of the deep shame that is triggered.

They need to feel “one on top” of you at all times. There will be competition for power in the relationship. You just can’t have power or control in the relationship because the narcissist doesn’t really accept that you are a separate individual with rights in the relationship.

They will not be empathic with you or with their children. Narcissists do not have the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes and imagine how they feel. Instead, everything is seen from the perspective of the narcissist as the center of everything.

They will not care how they affect you and the children. These relationships are painful; however, there will be no concern about how you or the children get hurt. In fact, any expression of pain will be greeted with scorn and seen as weakness.

They will not be able to give unconditional love and approval. Narcissists are extremely critical. They have little tolerance for the weakness and mistakes of others. They don’t love with unconditional love because they don’t know what love is. Love and approval will be conditional on whether or not you do what the narcissist wants.

God has clearly called us to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). Parents are supposed to care and love their children and encourage them rather than discourage them (Ephesians 6:4). Narcissists discourage their children by provoking anger and hurt. Both husbands and wives are to love and respect each other (Ephesians 5:22-33); however, narcissism in marriage completely neglects the needs of one partner. Christians are to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21); however, narcissists do not give and take in their relationships. Given all these characteristics, it is easy to understand why a relationship with a narcissist is extremely difficult.