Okay, ladies. It’s time to stop sucking on your stomach.

Take a quick survey. Are you absorbing it right now?

If so, here is the big question: WHY? (Seriously, is anyone looking at your stomach right now?)

A few weeks ago, I realized that I had inadvertently re-engaged in this useless habit. I was walking around, out of breath, holding my lower abdominal muscles inward all day. Oh! This is a habit I spent a good year breaking, so I was upset to find that it had returned.

It is also a habit that many women share. The flat stomach myth is largely perpetuated in our culture, so it’s no wonder many fashion and fitness gurus advise sucking on your stomach throughout the day. Unfortunately, this habit creates havoc with the pelvic floor region and our normal breathing patterns. Whether you’re looking to find relief from the pain of vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, or irritable bowel syndrome, hoping to lose weight, or just trying to feel more content and at peace, this is a habit you need to break.

My answer to the big question above is quite simple. I want my stomach to look flat and I have the misconception that it is supposed to be flat. I’ve bought the party line, in other words.

As you ponder how to change this habit, I imagine you will encounter many different thoughts, fears, and self-criticisms. Perfect! All these help you and encourage you to perpetuate this useless habit. This is a perfect place to practice your mind work skills. None of these things you’re thinking about yourself are true, and it’s about time we stopped believing in the stomach myth.

First of all, stomachs aren’t really designed to be flat. Even in very fit people, there is a nice rounded area in the lower abdomen. In people who regularly practice lower abdominal breathing, this rounded lower abdomen has a muscular appearance. This is because these people have strong respiratory muscles and fully oxygenate their body with each breath. NOTHING decreases pain, tension, and panic faster than deep, lower belly breathing.

I hope you see the irony here. People with the dog are actually healthier and happier! It doesn’t have to be tummy protruding, but it should be tummy-friendly enough to enjoy a loose, relaxed lower abdomen. (And the models posing for photo shoots are sucking in, for sure. Don’t let that be your beautiful belly guide!)

Second, pulling your stomach in means you’re creating tension in your lower abdomen. Tension is not a bad thing, unless it is present all the time. There are times when you need to tighten your lower abdominal muscles, but doing it every minute of the day just fatigues these muscles and creates imbalances. If you don’t allow your breath to flow in and out of your lower abdomen, you are missing out on the most useful element of your own breathing patterns. Deep breathing, with the belly low, is the most efficient breathing. (Ever seen a baby breathe?) It oxygenates your body quickly, calms your nervous system, and aids digestion. It helps your mind stop circulating in worry or panic mode. And it energizes your whole body. All of these elements of lower abdominal breathing help you reduce pain and connect with yourself and your emotions. Which means less overeating, more relaxation, and a calmer mind.

When I told my husband that I was unlearning my habit of holding my belly, he was confused. “Do you hold your stomach ALL THE TIME?” he asked him. He was amazed. It had never occurred to him to hold his stomach, ever. Really.

Holding your belly, in the name of beauty, health or some other reason, is simply not worth it. This is a cultural ideal that you must discard so that you can embrace true beauty, which comes from your oxygenated and energized self.

In Qigong, the lower abdomen is called the Dan Tien, or Tan Tien, the “elixir of life field.” A flat stomach is considered a bad sign and signals sexual repression/dysfunction and weak life force energy. Holding this area is said to cause the muscles to contract and tighten, which is reflected in our emotional life and makes us mentally and emotionally tense. Oh!

I go with a lot of energy in the field of the elixir of life, personally. I choose the breath and the energy. I choose to love my rounded lower belly. I choose to allow myself to relax and loosen my muscles. I’m done being tense. I’m ready to choose my own ideal belly, and it has nothing to do with flatness.

If you’re ready too, let’s join forces and free our stomachs! No more becoming hostage to ridiculous external ideals.