I often hear from wives who want to know if their husband feels enough remorse or guilt after his affair or infidelity. Sometimes the wife suspects that the husband is only acting to get the forgiveness or response he wants from his wife. And some wives tell me their husbands act like they’re outraged or justified in their behavior, which can absolutely infuriate wives.

A husband’s feelings after being caught cheating can certainly vary and differ as much as husbands themselves. Also, how he feels about this may change over time as the truth really begins to come out and be worked out. In the following article, I will discuss some of the sentiments I have witnessed or admitted from men who have been caught cheating.

Typically, a husband’s initial reaction after being caught cheating is panic: Although he may not show you this reaction, many men often feel shock and panic once the cat is out of the bag. As unbelievable or silly as it sounds, most men never really think they’re going to get caught. In their own minds, they’re going to figure this out before you find out.

So your initial reaction is damage control on all fronts. They are often not thinking clearly and are trying to scramble and figure out what their best strategy is for moving forward. Unlike women who would try to sort through their feelings and take inventory of what their “intuition” and integrity tell them to do, men are often reactive, meaning they simply react to what is happening at the time. instead of doing it. to worry about taking the actions that will positively affect your future.

Cheating husbands’ feelings about the mistress and wife will often change based on where they are in the process: Often, if the relationship with the lover failed to come to a natural end or develop, the husband may still be confused or grieving over this loss, even though the relationship never had a real chance. And because the wife will surely be furious, reeling, and very resentful after learning of her affair, he is often reluctant to deal with her in an honest way because he is embarrassed and ashamed of her actions.

These are negative feelings that most people intuitively want to avoid as a means of self-preservation, so often the husband will become indignant and defensive. The wife will sometimes interpret this to mean that he is unrepentant and not guilty. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes she is just trying to “save face” and is faking it. She figures that if he doesn’t dwell too much on the details of the affair and can get you out of court as quickly as possible, he can minimize your pain and anger. In short, you want to spend as little time as possible justifying or explaining her actions, and therefore her actions will usually be a direct response to this.

This can be absolutely infuriating, I know. Sometimes you really have to explain that you’re not going anywhere and you’re not going to stop until you get the answers you need. Sure, he can act all he wants, but that’s not going to change anything on your part. What he is going to demand of himself is not going to change simply because he is acting badly. Sometimes when you convey this to him, you will begin to see his true feelings, which are usually based on guilt, remorse, and fear that he just doesn’t know where to go from here.

Usually, with a little time and distance, most cheating spouses legitimately feel remorse when it becomes obvious what a huge mistake they’ve made and how much pain they’ve caused: As I’ve said, many men will try to shift the blame or minimize your actions at first. When you make it clear that you are not having this and are willing to wait, many will realize what a big mistake they have made. And this is usually when you start to see their remorse, fear and sadness. Also, this is usually when they can start to look back and realize how foolish they have been and how they were searching for something that never really existed except within themselves.

See, men generally cheat as a direct response to their own fears and doubts. And there is no other person on earth who can give them this but themselves. Yes, sometimes they build the lover and the adventure as an answer to their problems. But, now that they are standing on the other side and seeing the pain they have caused others, they realize how wrong their thoughts were.

Of course, now, it might be too late to realize this. And once this reality hits, that’s when you’ll often get desperate apologies and pleas. This takes longer for some men than for others. Some men will reach this point almost immediately after the affair is out of the bag. For some, this takes weeks or even months without help. Some men ultimately need help getting to this point because denial has become an unfortunate habit for them.

In short, most men feel remorse, guilt, and shame after being caught cheating. But some men take longer to get to this point than others. Sometimes, you will have to “help” them get to this place.