Losing someone is never easy. The complaint that follows is a process with no time limit. Many people join support groups designed to help those who are grieving, to give them a voice in what their process is like. In today’s technological world, more and more people are joining these groups online, either through a dedicated site like Grief Share or social networking sites like Facebook. We no longer have to trudge to a weekly meeting; you no longer have to dress up or go out. You can just log in and you have support. But is this really beneficial?
When I first lost the love of my life, I looked for a support group. I knew I would need more help processing my trip than I could on my own. Finding none in the immediate area, I entered complaint support groups into my search engine. The results were amazing. Selecting these, I joined a few to start with that seemed to be the most suitable. The best thing I found was the availability and the ease with which groups could be entered. The fact that there is so much diversity between groups makes it easier to find one that fits your needs.
Benefits of online support groups
Ongoing Support: The popularity of online support is that it’s easy. You can share your thoughts, your feelings, the ups and downs of the grievance. You can also share the complaints of others. Having a connection, no matter how tenuous, is important. By sharing this grievance, we can find others who feel and experience the same things. It is through this sharing that everyone realizes that they are not alone. A person no longer feels that she is going crazy because of what she thinks or feels. By helping others, we begin to process our own journey. This is the purpose of such support groups.
No time limit: With face-to-face groups, it can often feel like someone is “hogging” the timeshare. You also have to wait until the next meeting to be able to share your experiences. In online communities, you’ll find that you can post and share regardless of the time others spend sharing their grievances. You still get answers to questions, feedback on your emotions, but there is no “time” limit. I have found this to be particularly useful because I can share at any time, day or night. Having that feeling that others help you when you need it has no comparison.
When you join these communities, there is a wide variety of people at different stages of their complaint. Many conventional support groups work for a period of time and then you “graduate.” While these groups are beneficial, they do not all grieve in the same way or in the same amount of time. This journey is unique to each person and the relationship with the person who died. Setting a time limit for when you should finish it is an outdated idea that just doesn’t work. This has been helpful to me because it means that my going through this process doesn’t have a fixed schedule or that I’m just stuck because I’m not at a certain point at a certain time.
Without judging what stage you are in: With the extensive experiences of the online community, you can give hope to newcomers, while allowing “veterans” the opportunity to share the knowledge they have gained. The widow who has been trying to rebuild her life can gain hope from the widower who has begun to move forward. By sharing their experiences, each side can benefit from the other. After many family and friends have disappeared, the grieving person looks for others to help him process everything. The benefit of this is that, in most online communities, there is little judgment on where you are in your process. No one is telling you to get over it or move on. The people in these groups understand what you are experiencing.
Free Support – One of the biggest benefits of online groups compared to conventional groups is that there is often a fee involved with conventional groups. Few online support communities ask for a fee, but it is relatively minimal compared to the weekly cost of the conventional group. For those who are strapped for money, they can still get the support they need at no additional expense. There are no special books to buy, all you need is your computer and Internet access.
No set meeting time – Another benefit of online support groups is that you can “drop in” when it’s most convenient for you. It’s not a scheduled time, and there always seems to be someone to “talk” to. You can make various friends and discover how people from all over the world seem to have the same thoughts, feelings and experiences as you. This helps people realize that while their grievance is unique to them, they all share a similarity that is desperately needed when grieving. I have had trouble sleeping due to nightmares associated with my loss. It was nice to be able to jump in the middle of the night and find someone who was also having trouble sleeping. Sharing with each other, many times I was able to get some sleep, knowing that what I was feeling was normal.
Negatives in online complaint support groups
Continuous Posting Reminds You of Your Own Loss – One of the biggest problems with support groups online or on social media is that people can get stuck. Checking in daily or hourly can be pretty depressing. Seeing all the different people, reading your posts, one can get caught up in your complaint. Knowing when to back off can be difficult to discern. This can create even worse chaos in a person’s life than the grievance they feel. This has happened to me, checking in to see how others are doing and to share a small step forward, only to be floored by some of the posts. Seeing what others are posting about what they are missing or how they miss their loved ones reminded me once again of my own loss.
Isolation: Another big theme is that when you can get your support at home, you don’t have to leave your house and face the world. This can cause you to isolate yourself from your friends and family. Part of grieving is figuring out how to live your life without your loved one. I found myself isolating myself because I didn’t have to go out. I had isolated myself to the computer, without going out and trying to live forward. I found that this kept me stuck in my depression. He increased the feelings of the world just does not understand what his loss has meant to me. The people in the group do. I’ll just stay there
While grievance is a normal part of life, how we deal with it and where we get our support is important. Using online social networking sites or online support communities is one way to start processing your complaint. But knowing when to step back, knowing when to start dealing with the world around you is an important part of this process. Making sure you don’t get stuck anywhere in this process is up to you to decide if you’re ready to move forward.