Sexuality is a gift that is designed to give us intense pleasure and sweet intimate contact with each other. However, in our stress-filled society, sexuality can be fraught with anxiety, frustration, and our own private sense of shame and inadequacy.

• you feel romantic, sensual, affectionate and erotic. Your partner is obviously in the mood. Your conscious mind, your prefrontal cortex, is telling you to just relax and enjoy. But something is wrong. Your body doesn’t seem to be responding. You don’t feel excited.
• Have you connected with your partner?. They are hugging, touching and caressing each other. You feel so comfortable kissing and snuggling. Your partner takes your hand to lead you to the bedroom and your body seems to shut down instantly.
• You got to the bedroom.. Your partner looks so sexy. You’ve been thinking about this moment for hours. Finally, the time has come. All you can think of is making an excuse so you don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of not maintaining an erection (male) or being too dry and tight for penetration to occur (female).
• You’ve been with your partner for an hour. You have touched and kissed and enjoyed sexual intimacy. But now, you either fake having an orgasm or make some silly excuse about how wonderful it was but you’re so tired.

If any of the above situations sound familiar to you, you are not alone. When that little blue pill arrived, millions of men admitted to having erection problems. Some got these pills from their doctors. Others found sources online. Some told their partners; others not. And then scientists at big pharmaceutical companies began working feverishly to create a little pink pill in hopes of developing a large female market to overcome “female sexual dysfunction.”

The real problem is the way we view normal sexual functioning as a problem. As men age, they need more manual stimulation to get aroused, maintain arousal, and trigger release. As women age and their hormone levels fluctuate, their vaginal tissues lose elasticity and tone, and the vaginal walls become thinner and more vulnerable to tearing and pain.

Medical conditions, such as diabetes and multiple sclerosis, can decrease arousal and damage the nerves that control orgasm. High blood pressure, heart disease, and chronic arthritis can certainly limit the feeling of freedom and pleasure that sexual intercourse brings.

Prescription drugs, alcohol, and some of the illegal and recreational drugs are known to reduce libido and interfere with healthy sexual functioning. Even some mild pain relievers, antidepressants, and anxiolytics can have an antisexual side effect.

And finally, stress alone, without any of the other factors, can lower libido, block arousal, and interfere with orgasmic release. Relationship stress or external factors that have nothing to do with the relationship (eg, work, family, finances) can wreak havoc on hormonal balance and neuromuscular tension.

What can you do now to avoid or eliminate these potential sexual problems?

• Communication, communication, communication – with your partner, with a sex therapist
• Relax, let go and release neuromuscular tension – with massage, jacuzzi, deep breathing
• Fantasize, focus on your fantasy, and let your conscious mind take a vacation.
• Use a lubricant, sex toys, or even products to enhance sexual arousal.
• Practice kegel exercises, flexibility exercises, contact exercises and love exercises.
• Discover your unique pattern of sexual arousal, your love map and practice it
• See a urologist or gynecologist for a complete checkup and evaluation