One of the most common emotions that follows when learning about an affair is the desire to transfer the pain that you are feeling to the person responsible. Although many wives will want revenge on their husbands (or will be very angry with them), they will most likely pay attention to the mistress. Often, in an attempt to hurt her, seek revenge, and get her out of their lives, wives ask me how to tell the lover’s husband about the affair. I understand this urge completely. I used to follow the other woman, but as I healed myself I finally got tired of this and decided that I was giving her a lot more credit and attention than she deserved. In the next article, I will discuss this in more detail.

Why you probably want to tell the other woman’s husband about it:Often times when wives email me with this request, I ask them what they ultimately want to achieve by telling their husband. Often times, I get responses like “well he should know. I don’t want anyone to go through who I am” or “I want to get back at her. She shouldn’t be able to get away with it.” . “

I often respond with “how do you know the husband doesn’t know?” “What do you know about his situation?” And then I’ll ask what I think the heart of the matter really is: “Are you doing this because you think it will make you feel better or will it give you a sense of closure?”

Wives will almost always immediately say “yes. I think this will make me feel a lot better.” Well, let’s examine this, then.

Will telling the lover’s husband do something to make you feel better or to improve your situation ?: Most of the time, I have women contact me after they have told their husband about a disastrous situation. The husband is often unreceptive or hostile. Often times, wives do not come close to the release they were hoping for.

Sometimes this will open a new can of worms when the husband starts comparing notes and hints that it is his husband who is the abuser, not his wife. So, you are left trying to decipher and evaluate the individual and different history of each one. This does absolutely nothing to help you heal and leaves you even more confused and frustrated.

In truth, you are probably trying to tell your husband because he thinks this will help stop the romance and begin your healing. But often what you can’t see is that all he’s doing is adding one more layer to this drama and giving you one more thing to worry about.

At this time, you must focus on yourself and your own healing. You are not responsible for someone else’s marriage. Let her take care of your husband. You have no idea what kind of arrangement they have. You have enough to worry about right now without assuming your marriage.

If you really want to get revenge on the lover, make sure you get what she doesn’t want you to have: happiness and / or your husband: Let’s stop and think about this for a second. What the mistress ultimately wants is your husband. Its best scenario is that you find yourself in a weakened, desperate and unhappy state. In this way, your husband sees you as something undesirable and sees you as a safe and attractive haven.

Don’t play with his hand. She doesn’t want you to handle this with dignity and grace because that only makes your job more difficult. She doesn’t want you happy and complete.

So, take this time to focus on yourself, not her. If you want to save your marriage, focus only on the two of you. In truth, she has no place in your life. Don’t let her in any more than she already is. If you choose not to save your marriage, put all that negativity behind you and focus on your own healing. Happiness is your best revenge.

At the end of the day, she wants to insert herself, with all the drama that surrounds her, at the center of her life. Do not leave it. Freeze it and ignore it. Instead, turn your attention to yourself. You deserve the best you can give. Allowing her to violate this only hurts you, not her.