Conflict is part of human life. Conflict is a lack of harmony between the parties. The causes of conflict generally stem from a few basic areas. These include communication problems, differences in values ​​or interests, lack of resources, personality clashes, power conflicts, and differences in expectations.

It can be argued that conflict and conflict resolution have aided human evolution. Resolution usually brings with it a greater understanding between the parties and perhaps a bond between former adversaries. That is why one should not automatically fear conflict. Keep in mind that resolving a conflict can improve relationships. Wait for the positive ending.

Just as there are many ways a conflict could start, there are multiple ways to resolve it. There is no single best method for conflict resolution. Each situation will have its own unique mix of possible solutions.

Some of the most common approaches to conflict resolution are: collaboration, compromise, accommodation, competition, and avoidance. Ideally, the goal in conflict resolution is to adopt an approach that meets the circumstances of the situation, resolves the problem, respects the legitimate interests of all parties, and repairs damaged relationships. Understanding the genesis of a conflict often helps to effectively navigate and ultimately resolve the conflict.

Each person has their own perspective that develops from past experiences and beliefs. Human beings have developed a filtering system to select some of the billions of bits of information that we experience every second. Those filters help us make sense of the world. Each person has a different set of experiences and beliefs, so each person has a different perspective on reality.

The first step in conflict resolution is accepting that the other party has a different perspective on the issue. One person’s “reality map” will differ from another person’s “reality map.” The key to resolving a conflict is to see the situation from various perspectives.

So how can you see the situation from a different perspective? There is an excellent technique developed by the creators of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

The first step is to place three chairs, two facing each other and one perpendicular to the other two. Label one of the first two chairs “Party One” or your name. Label the second chair “Party Two” or the other person’s name. Label the third chair “Observe”.

Now sit in the first chair (your chair) and re-experience the problem from your perspective. Be sure to ask yourself (and answer) the following; What is the problem? What would I like to say? Why is this important to me? What would you consider success and failure?

Then sit in the second chair (the other party’s chair) and re-experience the problem from your perspective. Get inside them and try to see things the way they would see the situation. Practice your empathy. Be sure to ask and answer, from your perspective, the following; What is the problem? What would you like to say? Why is this important? What is considered success and failure?

Finally, sit in the last chair. Take the perspective of someone who is outside the situation, an unbiased observer, and a wise observer at that. Reproduce the interaction between the parts. From this perspective, he asks: What do I see? What do I want for the two people sitting in the other chairs? What are the truly important things to consider? What should each party consider about the situation from the perspective of the other party?

This exercise is designed to expand a person’s perspective on the issues involved in a situation/conflict. Once a person can see things from another person’s perspective, he will be open to reconsidering his position or accepting parts of the other person’s position. This will lead to the possibility of compromise or collaboration.

The conflict will happen. It is important to develop skills to mitigate conflicts. The “three chairs” exercise is an excellent technique that helps broaden the perspective of the situation. Understanding that others have a different opinion is the first step in resolving the conflict.