There will be those among you who find the prospect of trying to cheer up a depressed bird amusing. Go ahead, laugh. Just like babies, birds of any particular breed look pretty much the same. Same style of feathers, same expression, same beaks, same claws, same teeth… To the untrained eye, that is. However, anyone who has spent years studying birds for a living, observing their every little emotion, knows that birds do suffer from depression.

So if a depressed bird is left on your doorstep, how do you go about cheering it up? Once the bird realizes that it has been loaded with you as a mate, you have your work cut out. Forget antidepressants. Forget St. John’s Wort pastilles or tea bags. Before we delve too deeply into the question of treatment, are you sure the bird is depressed or have you misdiagnosed? What aroused your suspicions in the first place?

Depending on the breed of bird, of course, you may have been able to self-diagnose your problem. Parrots can be excellent at communicating their feelings, often in the strongest of terms. Budgetigars tend to be less specific about their emotions. “Pretty Joey”, and “Who’s a Pretty Boy, Then?” are common sentiments in the parakeet world. Somewhat less than useful, it must be said. If your neglected child is one of the more talkative breeds, then as long as he is capable of sensitive and mature conversation, he may be a good candidate for cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT.

CBT can be particularly helpful in cases of substance abuse or eating disorders. If your bird shows a particular zeal for sunflower seeds or an unhealthy interest in cuttlefish, then CBT is definitely worth a try. The idea is that the bird must change the way it thinks about its problems and the way it acts in response to the world around it. You need to explain to your bird that while you can’t take away his problems, you can at least help him change the way he thinks about them. Explain that you want to help him change his thought patterns. Note carefully the bird’s reaction to your explanation.

Some birds develop a feeling of low self-esteem, leading to depression. This is sometimes brought on by acts of spite or insults. Take the bald eagle. Whoever adopts this blatantly non-politically correct name has a lot to answer for. That the national bird of the United States of America is subjected to such verbal abuse is nothing short of outrageous. Is it any wonder, then, that depression is fairly widespread among B*** Eagles?

Owls may be wise, but that very wisdom can be an intolerable burden that leads to severe depression. To put it bluntly, the owl never stops working. We tend to think that they only come out at night and sleep all day. Wrong. In fact, they grab a bite to eat at night and give forty quick winks, but most of the day they’re doing paperwork. Severe stress brought on by overwork like this is a fairly common cause of clinical depression, so the bird at your door is likely to be an owl.

A word of caution here. Technically, you’re not allowed to keep an owl (depending on where you live, of course), so you should check with the authorities about the legality of your position. You could of course claim that the owl has actually adopted you, but again, check to see if owls can adopt people.

So assuming you’ve done the proper testing and are satisfied that you really do have the problem of how to cheer up a depressed bird, how should you approach it? Teasing can work in some cases, but you need to be sensitive to the bird’s feelings. There are no chicken jokes. I repeat, NO CHICKEN JOKE. They may elicit a laugh from turkeys, but in general, they’re best avoided altogether.

If you’re thinking of sitting them down in front of a TV, it’s well known that the Robins have an aversion to “The Simpsons.” They will gladly watch a whole series of “Friends”, but in general they are quite demanding. In the end, the bird may be so depressed that nothing is going to cheer it up at this stage. Just give him a lot of love and attention, a lot of patience and understanding, and of course a lot of rest, and in due course, you should find him again as before. This treatment also works with humans.