Think before you do drugs is an easy thing for me to say now. I used to use drugs regularly for about 4 years. I started out smoking marijuana and ended up smoking crack and doing heroin and methamphetamine. My story is not a story about how I fell down, how I became homeless, or how I destroyed my brain. At one point I think I had a little stroke when I was on crystal meth and special K. I managed to recover my brain function and was able to continue with my life in a somewhat normal way.

I am a 31 year old male who is quite successful at his job, as successful as I really want to be. I have 2 beautiful children and a son on the way. My wife is wonderful… most of the time… if you’re married you know it’s normal. I love my wife very much and she loves me. I have a big house in the suburbs and we go on family vacations twice a year. So if my life is so perfect, why would I tell you to think before you use drugs?

On the outside my life is perfect but I live with a dark secret that I wish I could erase every day. I was once a big brother. No, that’s not the dark secret I keep. The secret is that I was a bad influence on my little brother. I didn’t stand up for what I thought was right and steered him in the right direction. I didn’t direct it at all actually. I was just a kid, I tell myself. I didn’t understand the decisions I had to make not only for myself but also for the people who look up to me.

Instead of leading, I followed. I let my little brother lead me down a path of destruction. I not only followed but encouraged and trained. Somehow, for now I have managed to escape the very consequences that my brother ultimately ended up facing. My consequences are different.

I have to live with the fact that my brother committed suicide every day of my life. I have to live with the fact that I did nothing to stop the sequence of events that ultimately led to his death. Of course, I had no idea that what we were doing at the time would end up like them, but is that really an excuse?

We both used major hard drugs together and man were they fun. You know what would be fun now? HAVE A BROTHER! I HAVE MY BEST FRIEND! We always dream of raising children together and going on family vacations together and moving to the next stage of living together.

Every time I paint a wall in my house by myself, every time I go on a family vacation, a trip to the zoo, every time he used to be there to help me or enjoy life with me, I wish he could go back. and stand up and be what a big brother should be; a good influence and a protector. I would give back every time I got high in a second to have my brother back in my life.

Some of you may have people in your lives who are as close as a brother. That’s great for you. This story is also for you. You are an influence in someone’s life. You are leading someone. You are giving an example.

Think before you use drugs because you may not be harming yourself. You could be killing your brother; You could be killing your best friend.